I Guess I Should Thank You

I guess I should thank you for hurting me again. It is exactly the motivation I need to get my ass in the gym more and to stick to my diet. I have shifted gears and I'm taking a break from endurance running so I can build some muscle. I have my sights set on a fitness competition next year and it's going to take a lot of hard work. I am going to HIIT two nights a week and Shred two mornings a week. HIIT is high intensity interval training and Shred is heavy lifting. I also bought some more equipment for my home gym so I can lift at home too. I'm on a strict diet; 5-6 meals a day with a lot more protein than I'm used to and a gallon of water a day. Getting ripped makes me feel better and standing on that stage looking amazing is my metaphorical middle finger to you and everyone else that has treated me badly. 

50 Miler

I arrived in Canandaigua Friday night, got some dinner, and tried to sleep, but that is pretty much impossible the night before an ultra. I got up at 4 in the morning, got ready, and left. After getting lost for a little while, we arrived at the starting line just minutes before the 6 a.m. start. It was still dark out, so the group stayed together for the first hour. 

The hills were ridiculous and we started to spread out quickly. I spent most of the race by myself on back country roads.

The first 20 miles went pretty smoothly and then I stopped at an aid station to refuel and visit with my family. 

Things started to get rough somewhere along the next 10 miles. I stopped at another aid station and headed back out wondering how the hell I was going to run another 20 miles. The pain was everywhere! The bottom of my feet hurt every time they hit the ground, my laces caused pain to the top of my feet, the backs of my shoes rubbed my skin raw, I could feel blisters forming on every toe, and I knew I would be losing many toenails from this race. The uphills were difficult, but the downhills were torture on my bad knees. 

My ankles were swollen and throbbing. Then I began to feel a pain I had never felt before. My legs were giving out and my hips became so stiff that it felt like my legs could snap off at any moment. My family began meeting me at every aid station because they could see that I was in a ridiculous amount of pain. They even got out and walked with me for part of it, but even walking hurt. 

The last 15 miles were extremely difficult. I was in excruciating pain, but I knew I had to keep going. I was so excited when I saw that there was only one mile left that I missed a turn. When I realized that I had to turn around, I broke down in tears. I wasn't even sure I could make it another mile and now I had to go even further. I kept pushing forward with tears in my eyes and I finally saw that glorious finish line. Crossing the finish line with my son running next to me was the greatest feeling in the world. 

MIA

So I know I've been MIA lately. Funny thing is that I never realize that I have too much on my plate until it's too late to do anything about it. I'm working 50 hours a week at the daycare, but making less than a fast food employee. I've been so stressed out about paying my bills. The late fees and overage charges are piling up and I owe everyone I know money. The problem is that I can't make any major changes until everything is settled in court, which is the end of September. The divorce proceedings, custody hearing, and lawyer fees are also adding to my stress. Either I'm a bad mother because I'm poor or I'm a bad mother because I work too much. Either way I'm screwed. With all this going on, it has been damn near impossible to get all my school work done. I had a 4.0 GPA until recently. My grades have been steadily dropping for months, so much that I got a concerned email from my professor last week. I have 2 classes left until graduation and I should be super excited, but all I can think about is the ridiculous amount of debt I have acquired in student loans in order to get a MAED, which seems pretty worthless at this point. The only thing that has kept me somewhat sane during all this has been running and working out. Although I have not had the time or money to race lately, I have been training hard. I go to HIIT twice a week and workout at home almost everyday. I run 5 or 6 times a week, including a LR on Sundays. I have been steadily increasing my mileage with some major races coming up this fall. In September, I have 2 half marathons and a marathon relay. In October, I have 2 full marathons and of course the ultra marathon. So although things have been rough for quite awhile now, I remain optimistic of the future. My brother calls it being unrealistic, but WTF does he know. Anyway, I've seen rock bottom before and this ain't it. I've come back from much worse so I am fully confident that I will come back from this too. Nothing can be that bad as long as I have these very special people in my life.

Run if You DARE

The DARE Race is one of my favorites for several reasons; it was my very first race, it's in my hometown, and my father is one of the police officers along the course. However, he was not there this year because he was recovering from a recent surgery. It is a relatively flat course that I know very well so I was determined to get a new PR. I started out in front, which I almost never do and I took off as soon as the gun went off. I did the first two miles at a 6:30 pace and I was holding my own as the first place female for the first half of the race. But I was dying and losing speed in the second half. I slowed down quite a bit in the last mile and got passed by a few people, but I was pretty sure I still had a new PR. Turns out I was right because I finished in 21:51 and won second place for my age group. Right after I finished, the sky got dark, it started pouring rain, and a violent thunderstorm started. I stuck around for a little while determined to celebrate my victory, but I ended up getting the heck out of there when I found out about the tornado warning. I haven't done as many races this year as I have in previous years, but the ones I've done have all been PRs so far. Turns out focusing on key races is much more rewarding than racing every weekend.

Vermont Marathon

After hitting the snooze button repeatedly for an hour, I finally got up and got ready for the race. I had gone back and forth a number of times about whether I should actually run the race or not. I was undertrained and I had no one coming to support me, which was a big difference from my first marathon. But I knew I would feel like shit if I didn't go, so I made the 45 minute drive to Vermont. Once I was at the starting line, I was fine. Not at all nervous. It just felt like I was running another training run. I wasn't concerned about my time. I just wanted to get a nice, long run in. I put my earbuds in and took off slow and steady. I was not about to make the mistake of going out too fast again. I never look at the course map before I run a race. I'm not sure why. I just like to be surprised I guess. Surprise! This marathon was all hills! Part of it was on a freaking mountain! A lot of it was on trails, which my poor ankles were not used to. The parts on the road were on busy streets and a little dangerous, but overall the course was beautiful. Is there any place in Vermont that isn't beautiful? Maybe I could have appreciated that beauty more if I wasn't running with excruciating pain in my right foot. I don't know what I did to it, but I was in rough shape early on in the race. Every time my right foot hit the ground, I wanted to cry, which was about every half second. I had to run on the outside of my foot just to make it bearable, which I'm pretty sure caused some more damage. I can't imagine what I looked like as I was running with this weird limp trying to put as little pressure as possible on my foot. I didn't care either. I was on a mission to reach that finish line. To make things a little more miserable, it was raining the whole time. The weird part was that I wasn't actually miserable. I was cold and wet and in a lot of pain, but I felt strong knowing that I was going to finish the race anyway. I can handle pain, but I can't handle failure. I just kept pushing forward. Occasionally, I would remind myself to "enjoy the ride" because I have a tendency to only focus on the finish line. And that goes for all aspects of my life, but I am working on it. I ended up crossing the finish line at 4:38:28, which was very shocking considering my injury and the difficulty of the course. It's still not a great time, but it is an improvement  from my last marathon. But more than that, I felt pretty bad ass that I didn't quit when most people would have!

It's Not You - It's Me

Although I am always grateful for more time with my kids, cutting back to two days a week at the gym is sad. Especially, when I know I'm probably going to have to stop altogether soon. It's like I'm trying to hold onto a relationship that's not working anymore. And when I finally break up with the gym, I will have to go get all my dumbbells and exercise mat, which is like that awkward moment when you have to get all your shit back from your ex. Sorry gym, it's not you, it's me. I love HIIT so much and I would do it everyday if I could, but the class times just aren't working for me anymore. My life is full of changes right now - some good and some bad. Unfortunately, the gym is another thing that I have to say goodbye to that I don't want to. Hopefully, it will only be temporary. Someday, I would like to get back together with the gym and make it work, but for now I will have to workout at home. I really can't help but appreciate the irony of this situation right now, which is why I am being overly dramatic on purpose. Yes, I realize that it is not that big of a deal. Just helps to try to find solutions to the smaller problems in life before moving onto the big ones. Working out and running are my escape from all the other BS, which is why it is so important for me to make time in my schedule for them.

Lake George Half Marathon

I woke up late and stepped on cat vomit on my way to the shower. I rushed around to get ready and ended up forgetting my fuel belt. My boys were getting on my last nerve, fighting over who got to sit in the car seat with the square buckle. The race was 45 minutes away and I was stressed about making it on time. I arrived visibly flustered with barely enough time to pin on my race number. I quickly headed to the start line, hoping to stop at the port-a-potty, but the line was ridiculously long. That's about the time I started to regret that bottle of water I drank on the way there. I guess I'm going to have to hold it for 13.1 miles - awesome! For those of you that don't know me very well, that was a very sarcastic awesome with a giant F-bomb in front of it. So I'm standing at the start line, freezing my ass off, surrounded by gravel due to some road construction, when everyone starts running. What happened to shooting a gun off to let everyone know hey the race is starting now? So I had a rough morning, which really threw me off, but once I started running, everything just clicked. I forgot about all the BS and just focused on my running. I ran a steady pace, making sure to keep it around 8 minute miles. For the whole first half of the race, I felt like I was gliding, gradually passing runner after runner, just listening to my music and taking it one mile at a time. I skipped every aid station because I lack the basic skills required to drink water from a cup while running. Usually, I just spill it all over myself so I figured it was a waste of time. I did have a couple strawberry banana energy gels shoved in my waistband that I took around miles 5 and 10 though. It was an out and back course, which I love for 2 reasons: (1) I can count how many people are ahead of me at the turn around, which was about 50 and (2) I can look for my team members on the way back. A simple smile, a wave, or a thumbs up does wonders for my motivation and hopefully for theirs as well. My legs were getting tired on the way back and the hills seemed monstrous. I swear each one was bigger than the last. I think miles 8-11 were the most difficult for me. It was definitely a challenging course, but I was on a mission. Originally, I just wanted to come in under 2 hours, but I knew I could do better than that so I told my family to look for me around 1 hour and 45 minutes into the race. My estimate was pretty close because I ended up crossing the finish line with a time of 1:45:56, about 19 minutes faster than the previous year. I was 54th place overall and 7th place for my age group. I was more than happy with my performance. The race was timed with the chips that you have to tie on your shoes. I absolutely hate them! The last thing I want to do after running a race is bend over and untie my shoe to get that thing off. This time was especially difficult because my hands were frozen and my fingers would not function properly no matter how much my brain told them to. After I finally got it off, I went straight to my boys for post race hugs. I am so grateful to have family and friends willing to get up early on a cold and windy Sunday to support me! I always look forward to seeing my kids' faces at the finish line cheering me on. They motivate me to keep pushing and to finish strong.

Bacon Hill 5K Bonanza

It was a good weekend for running and a really great way to start off the 2013 race season. On Saturday, I ran the Bacon Hill 5K Bonanza and despite the name, there was no bacon involved. It was a little chilly, but I learned my lesson about overdressing, so I had short sleeves on-my purple Team Gabby Gabs shirt to be exact. I knew I had gotten faster, but I didn't know how fast until I crossed that finish line at 22:18. So excited for a new PR! The only part of the course I didn't like was the trail portion, which was wet, slippery, and scattered with large rocks. Overall, I really enjoyed the race and I will be back for more next year. I have to admit, the food offered after the race is a major factor in whether or not I will run it again and this race had a pretty good spread with water, chocolate milk, bananas, oranges, chili, and cookies. Also, they gave out baked goods to the winners-pies for first place, cookies for second place, and muffins for third place. I brought home a pie! That's right- I placed first for my age group! I guess working my butt off for the past year is paying off. Then on Sunday, I ran 11 miles- my last long run before the half marathon. It was windy, but I pushed through. I feel more prepared this year and I am confident that I can get in under 2 hours on Sunday. Lake George Half Marathon- here we come!

Finally

It's finally here! Spring has arrived and although the weather has still been a little questionable at times, the snow is gone and it's getting warmer out. It's about time! I thought winter would never end. Putting on all those extra layers and then washing all those clothes afterwards was ridiculous. I've been dreaming of the days where I can just throw on some shorts and a tank top and head out the door for a run without feeling like the Michelin Man. Also, the fact that I can leave my headlamp behind for evening runs again is another bonus of the spring season. I almost forgot what daylight looked like. It's great to see and feel the sun again. I don't have to pack a huge bag full of running gear at night anymore either. Less time prepping to run means more time actually running. And the most exciting part of spring is that it is time to start racing again and I have missed it so much. It is easier to stay motivated when you are training for a race or a lot of races in my case. My calendar is full of 5Ks, a few 10Ks, a couple half marathons, a marathon, a marathon relay, and of course the ultra. This Saturday is my first race of the year. Just a 5K to get things started. I am so excited to get back to racing. I love the race atmosphere. Runners are incredible people! They welcome all runners from all ability levels. They motivate and encourage each other. We really just want to do what love around other people who love it too. We could go on and on about running shoes, good form, training plans, and injuries. We tell stories about chafing issues and port a potty dilemmas. Runners understand each other. They know what it feels like to push themselves farther than they thought they could go. They know the satisfaction of pushing through the pain and refusing to give up even when it gets hard. They know that amazing feeling of crossing the finish line and accomplishing your goal. Other people will call us crazy, but runners know they have no limits. We are not afraid of hard work. We keep reaching for new goals, we keep training, we keep pushing ourselves and each other, always trying to better ourselves and forming amazing friendships along the way - I love you Team Gabby Gabs!

Quality over Quantity

I have been wanting to try Crossfit for awhile now and last night I finally went. You have to go to 6 classes over a 2 week period in order to learn proper form before you can actually workout so I am going to save my opinion of the class until then. For now, all I will say is that it is not for everyone. This morning, I felt more in my element at HIIT. Some strength training followed by 12 minutes of AMRAPs (as many rounds as possible) and I felt great. After work, I am going for a run and my legs are feeling good so I am looking forward to it. I have been choosing quality over quantity when it comes to running lately and it is working miracles for my knees. I do a long run on weekends and shorter runs on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Giving myself time to fully recover in between runs is improving my running and making it more enjoyable again because I no longer have constant knee pain. I think running 3 times a week, HIIT 4 times a week, and now XFit 3 times a week is working out well. I am constantly trying to find the right balance of exercise because I have the tendency to overdo it sometimes, which usually leads to me burning out at some point. It leads to a decline in fitness and sometimes even injury and then I have to come back from that. It's time to break the cycle and time to train smarter. Focusing on the quality of my workouts instead of the quantity of them seems to be the way to go.

Need More Sleep!

I don't know what is going on this year, but my kids are sick again and it is only February.  Obviously, my first priority is getting them healthy so I have been taking care of them and doing lots of cleaning and sanitizing.  I have still been working out and running just not as much as I'd like to.  I stopped doing Monday morning HIIT class so that I could keep the kids on Sunday nights from now on.  I miss them when they are not here and having extra time with them was definitely worth it.  I still go to the class Tuesdays through Fridays and I added Monday night bootcamp and Wednesday night turbo kick so it worked out for the best.  One thing I really need to work on is getting enough sleep.  I have always had trouble finding time to sleep, but now I can't even sleep when I do have time.  I think it has something to do with the large quantities of coffee I drink during the day, but I can't function without it.  I have only been getting four or five hours of sleep a night for quite some time now and I do feel run down sometimes.  I know that once I graduate, I will be able to sleep more, but October is a long time away.  It also happens to be the month of my ultra, which I need to be in top shape for.  For now, I am taking it day by day, trying to make time for everything.

Adjusting

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that life does not care about your plans.  Things change and you have to adjust.  It is not the change part that bothers me.  It's the adjusting while the change is happening.  My kids come first and I have been trying everything possible to help them adjust to living in two homes, but some days are better than others.  Life has been a bit unpredictable lately and I have missed some classes at the gym.  Besides the fact that working out makes my whole day better, all I can think about when I miss class is money wasted.  Especially since I just got done rolling change to pay the rest of my rent.  Luckily, I was able to work something out with my instructor for make up classes.  You may be thinking how does a single mother of four afford the gym in the first place.  The answer is that, like most people, I spend my money on things that are important to me.  My kids always come first.  They have all the necessities and much more.  More important than that, I spend the majority of my time with them and I miss them like crazy when they are not with me.  I work out before they get up, after they go to sleep, and when they are with their father.  I will always choose time with my kids over anything or anyone in the world.  I also realize that the healthier I am, the happier I am.  Exercise makes me a better person and a better mother so it is also a priority for me.  So I cut things out of my life that aren't important to me.  I don't care about possessions.  I have the cheapest cell phone that I could find.  I drive an old minivan.  I rarely buy new clothes.  I just don't care about that stuff.  Life is about experiences and interactions, not things.  Here is a pic of my babies:

 

Good to be Back

I am off from work today and I was staring at my textbook completely unmotivated so I decided this blog would be better use of my time.  I have been going to school for the majority of my life and I cannot get myself to focus anymore.  I frequently take breaks from school work to run or work out instead.  How I have managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA when I am constantly submitting papers at the very last second is a mystery to me.  I think the fact that I will soon be paying for my masters degree that I cannot even use until my kids are in school is the source of my lack of motivation.  On the upside, it means I get more workouts in.  This has been the first week of 2013 that I have not been sick so I got all my workouts in.  I went to HIIT 5 times and I have the sore muscles to prove it.  I also ran 4 times, mostly on the treadmill, but there was 1 day that was mild enough to run outside.  I never run on Friday nights, but I will be doing a longer run this weekend.  I am going to start building my long runs soon for the ultra.  I am starting at an hour and adding 15 minutes each week to my long run.  I was writing my training schedule on my calendar the other day and I had a minor panic attack thinking about running 50 miles, but I pulled myself together.  I am sure that there will be many more in the future, especially when it gets closer to October.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I can do this.  When I was younger, my father told me that I could do anything as long as I worked hard for it and I believed him.  He has always been my greatest role model.  He taught me about hard work and determination.  I was never allowed to quit anything I started and I am grateful for that.  If I say that I am going to run an utlra, then you can bet your ass that I am going to cross that finish line. 

A Slow Start to the New Year

Last week, I woke up every morning and argued with myself about whether it would be better to get up and go to the gym or go back to sleep because I was not feeling well.  I did end up going to my 6:00 class every morning, but I am not used to it being such a struggle to get up.  I compromised with myself and took time off from running in order to get some more rest.  I was way behind on my school work, my family was sick, and I just didn't have enough time for everything.  Fortunately, I am feeling better today.  Not 100%, but a huge improvement so no more slacking on my workouts.  It is the second week of this HIIT session and I of course will be there Monday through Friday as usual.  I am also adding running back into my schedule this week.  I am focusing on speedwork during the week (hill sprints are my favorite).  Then I will do my longer runs on the weekend, which are the most important element of my training for the ultra.  I am starting my training now so that I can build my mileage slowly and avoid injury.  Hopefully, I can avoid more illnesses, but that is a very difficult task when you run a daycare.

Happy New Year

Every year, during the holidays, sickness spreads through my family like wildfire.  This year was no different.  Some combination of the flu, the stomach bug, and pink eye has infected each member of my family.  Needless to say, I have not gotten much exercise these past few weeks.  Add to that the large amount of overindulging in holiday treats and the celebratory drinks and I have found myself a little out of shape.  I did manage to run a 5K race on New Year's Eve with a time of 27:02.  Normally, I would not brag about that time, but considering how crowded it was and the fact that I was out the night before celebrating my birthday, I thought it was a decent time.  A decent time for a winter race anyway.  I don't run competitively until spring.  But if I want to get a new PR in the spring, I better get back to work.  Monday it is back to the gym and back to running consistenly.  There will be a lot of running in my future because my major race of 2013 is a 50 mile ultra marathon in October.  I registered for the Can Lake 50 as soon as registration opened up on the first of the year.  I know it is a huge committment and it is going to take a lot of time and hard work, but it will be amazing to finish a race of that distance.  October may seem far away now, but I know it will creep up on me.